I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
