No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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