I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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