My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
