you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
