If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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