i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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