you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
