Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
