you mean i was at the winter classic?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
