Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
