**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
