Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
