I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
