Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
