I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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