I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
