I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize