Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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