I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
