Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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