I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
