Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
