he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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