We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
