I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
