if i can run in heels then i can drive
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
