just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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