Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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