i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
