Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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