Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
