got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
