He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize