i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
