all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
