the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
