my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
