if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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