it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
