The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
