thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
