i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
