We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
