I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
