ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
