Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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