I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Rumble strips road head = magical
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
