Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
