Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
