Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
