I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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