Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
