Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
