Your face is a jimmy john
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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