I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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