I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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