I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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