haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
