Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
