There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's never too late to be topless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
