In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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