we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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