He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
