I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
