soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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