yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
