bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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