Where is the hickey?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
