genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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