Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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