Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
