Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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